I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
