I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
