ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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