I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
