well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
