Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
