Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I pour the whiskey from now on
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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