I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
