i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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