So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize