I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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