No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
