Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
