dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
