I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
