Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
