Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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