so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I will pee on everything he values.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
