god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
