moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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