Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do herpes really smell.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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