i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
