so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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