it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
