How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
