Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
MIDGETS
????
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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