Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
