Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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