just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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