ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
After last night, I could never be a politician.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
