my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
