you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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