Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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