Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
