Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
