I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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