SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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