What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
