It was confusing and full of hummus
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's blow job season.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
