I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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