My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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