DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
