Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
