is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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