this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
