I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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