Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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