Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
