We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
