I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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