threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
