yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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