Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
