i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
