the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
