i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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