Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
