I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
