I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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