"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
