Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
