i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The power of my boobs compel you
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
