Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
