i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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