you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
