Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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