So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He shit in the fireplace
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
