He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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