We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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