gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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