Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
