this just has baby written all over it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
