Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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