I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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