and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
