1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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