Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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