So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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