sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
