Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
